Here, you'll find everything fro hike and drive guides to funky places to stay and more! What did the donkey do when he saw a bad driver? !, Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfastfor a bit of skydiving; lateSundayevening, he was found in a tree by a. farmer, What happened said the farmer; Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said thefarmer if you had asked the localsbefore you jumped, they would havetold you nothing opens here on aSunday. They dont, says the Irishman. After thinking for a considerably longer time, the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil, drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three, and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The sturdy creatures, famous for their stoicism, are screen sirens now. Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. Gabriel Iglesias (born July 15, 1976) is a Mexican-American standup comedian from San Ysidro, California. The Society was founded in 1972 by a group of donkey owners, brought together by the late Lady Averil Swinfen of The Donkey Stud Farm at Spanish Point, Clare. He wakes up the Irishman and hands him 500.00. Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. An Irish man walks past a bar. - Irish donkey. Yeah Guard, says For the past 30 days,I have been sharing an Irish joke every day on my Facebook page. The interviewer returned the paper to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. Declan extolled the pleasures of his smooth Irish whisky, while Mick reported that the turkey was the most delicious he had ever tasted. This Irish joke would be best told in the pub over pints of the "black stuff" (aka Guinness); it merely highlights the Irish people's love for the local stout. Whats the bad news? What do you call a donkey in the Arctic? They can often be found mooching around their local castle, museum or gallery. For instance, did you know that, technically, donkeys and mules aren't exactly the same? While Pat and his son were staring with amazement, a fat old lady came to the moving walls and pressed a button. If you have a question that we havent tackled, ask away in the comments section below. Five minutes later he calls the desk and says, Ya have given me a room with no exit. Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, If you had to get one or the other, would you instead get Parkinsons or Alzheimers? Tell me, do you have insurance?. He was known as "Humanity Dick", a nickname bestowed on him by King George IV. Jo is a work-from-home mum to two boys. 10) Irish jokes the Irishman and the travel agency. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. Im sorry about that but to be honest Im trying to make it to the Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked. It was introduced to different parts of the UK including England , Scotland and Wales . When do donkeys have six legs? Surely you must lose every now and then? I'm SICK OF BEING YOUR MULE! The Irish donkey is a medium-sized breed of donkey native to Ireland. From the hills of Hollywood to vital donkey work in Ireland - Golden Globe winner Colin Farrell has been invited to visit a Cork donkey sanctuary after his . Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look. Once upon a time, me and your father decided to plant a wonderful little seed. If you enjoyed this post please pin the image below to your Pinterest board or share this on social media. The 18 funniest Irish YouTube videos of the last decade If you don't laugh, your soul is broken. BOOOOOOs. Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. There was no atmosphere! The donkey was praised for her operatic tones and stage presence and Stanton's post was shared more than 2,000 times. She is also passionate about passing on her love for knowledge to her sons through learning and having adventure. Collins a cute Cork Hoor arrived late and rolled into the castle with a a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him, is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had, The green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a, raspberry, SPLBLBLBLT!, right in the face and runs back to. CONTACT US: (440) 617-1200; Home; Contact Us; why are flights so expensive right now 2022 Menu The dragon tells them, that he is going to kill everyone unless they manage to give him a moment of pure joy in his life. Well blow me down, says the Yank as he hands over five crisp American one-hundred dollar bills into Paddys outstretched hands. To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.. see, this guard was a mean hoorand deliberately delayed Paddy as much as Jaysus would you look at this the women here are goergeous and their prices are reasonable to! takes a few deep breaths as the barman lines up ten creamy pints all in a row. Donkeys come from two donkey parents. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old-style train, there were no lights in the carriages, and it went completely dark. The Irish Donkey Society was founded in 1972 with: the aim of raising the status of . They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. He said, Inside the bag was the following note This section is just for you. says Paddy, whats the story with the poor misfortunate nun outside? Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. that's it. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes. Paddy says to Murphy, Im gonna get the day off. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. Ger Leddin is a journalist from Limerick Ireland. "How's the stutter?", asks the doctor. Youre on my side!, Paddy Irishman checks into a hotel for the first time in his life and goes up to his room. What's the most difficult key to turn? Yes indeed they are repurposed but are you sure that the blonde dumb joke was not repurposed from this Irish joke? Horse and Donkey : Jokes - reddit Well, are you feeling any better?, asked the doctor. How long should a donkey's legs be? ", A donkey walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey!" Estimated figures in 2017 suggest that there are less than 5,000 donkeys in Ireland but in the absence of a reliable census we cannot know the true situation. ?, Easyyy Murph, I did a shit in one corner and sat in the other!. What do you call a donkey with only one leg? An Irish man, a woman, and PETA walk into a bar. What do you get when you have Avogadros number of donkeys? The baby donkey market is difficult to get into and takes a lot of work because it's a small-ass business. Apparently, Greek Stoic philosopher Chrysippus of Soli did. Foreman: How do you make money??!! Patrick Barrett grew up on the back of a donkey. Hunchback!. My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug. Two weeks later, the doctor walks down the street and sees the patients wife.. For example, 'I haven't seen Tony in donkey's years.' 16. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. The bartender sets him up, and Paddy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. 5. "It's g-getting better. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. She yells at him, Is that all youre going to do tonight? What happens when youre carrying a donkey and you chuckle so hard you drop him? This site exists to inspire and guide you on an Irish adventure thatll give birth to a lifetime of memories! It doesn't hurt that these equines are also pretty interesting animals. Disclaimer: I left themajorityof the more offensive Irish jokes to the end, but one of the lads sent me this in a text and I thought it was gas (Irish slang for funny)! Theres a second door that goes into the closet. The lawyer asks the first question. The second man says, I dont think so. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, Dont sell that cow.. Kelly said he was going to Rome for 5 yrs. How Much Does A Trip To Ireland Cost? The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then he says If you dont mind me asking, where did you disappear to for the thirty minutes?, Well, Sir tis like this. The lawyer is going nuts, not knowing the answer. What a funny joke, Human! What do you get when you cross a donkey and a zebra? They all go Father, it has been two months since my last confession. Is that your final answer? asked Chris. After five minutes he shouted to the cop, Here! He pulls him up and asks, " Brother have you found Jesus?". An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. New man: I didnt tell you this, but I took a bet with every man on the site Id have your arse on a trowel today! What has six legs, four eyes, two heads and a tail? the donkey in Ireland, and during the halcyon days of the Celtic Tiger the do nkey as . Or looking for Irish jokes for kids? Foreman: But how can you make money? If you open a space up for me, I swear Ill give up the Guinness and go to Mass every Sunday., Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. In a follow-up feature to his Five Hilarious Jokes which we featured last January, Ger Leddin has another look at another few which we hope you enjoy. he missed his chance of winning a few extra and well-needed bob. He thought he'd get a kick out of it! Miss OLeary, he says, you havent made a single payment on your new windows. race track which at this stage was only a mile up the road you see I have a An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a, Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, Ill Chop his, You cant do that, says the Irishman. but nobody takes the Yank up on his offer. He asks the first fella for his name and address. This is one of the cheesiest short Irish jokes Ive heard in a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond! You were diddled. her she is pregnant, says the doctor. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Wheres my husband? He went to the dance and stood around, trying to build up his courage. Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast?. It costs me twenty thousand euros, but as you can see, well worth it. Paddy was envious. Beginning to get a bit irritated, the tourist asks, Habla Espanol? The men once again shake their heads. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money .. He parks the car and runs over to them. Paddy says, But I definitely heard some fecker say. #2. My friends are such fools! the old man grumbled. And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. The priest turned to the Altar boy and whispered, Is That Fanny Green ?, The bug-eyed altar boy couldnt believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,. Very well, sighed the priest .. Go and say ten Hail Marys At Mass the following day, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, Yep. And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldnt read? In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days, he said. Soon after that, Another Irish man entered the confessional. The "killer" joke that did him in? back to drinking beer. Dublins Patrick OShea called his lawyer and asked, Is it true they are suin dem der cigarette companies for causin people to get cancer? Youve done very well so far, said Chris Tarrant, the shows presenter, but for a million euros, youve only got one lifeline left, phone a friend. Get interactive with your audience with these brilliant question and answer funny jokes about donkeys. Two hours, later Paddy returned to the park to find the 500 euros in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as he had instructed. Paddy is sitting quietly at - Irish donkey. You must be Irish, she replied. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. Pin the tail on the human! Hey, what is that thing, anyway? But this is a newsagents'. Interesting Donkey Facts: 1-5. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. Tell me, Paddy? The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. Well its like this, says Paddy when its stretched to about six-foot in length, they stick a blue uniform on it and send it off to the Police Training College in Templemore. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. Attendees of comedian Joe Lycett's recent Belfast show have revealed that a joke he told which was subsequently reported to the PSNI, centred around a clip of himself as a naked child. But on the third day, in the middle of the to try and make a bit of money. Pat(who had never seen an elevator before) responded. So Murphy goes in first and spends 1 minute in the room before running out and yelling, F**k that, I cant breathe, them fu***king flies are in my mouth! Ones a yee-haw seesaw and the other is a hee-haw pee-paw. Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ?. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, Ill make another kissing noise and slap that English fecker again.. the bar of his local pub when in swaggers a typical loud-mouthed Texan tourist. When the train came out of the tunnel, Julia Roberts and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Englishman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. They dont, says the Irishman. He packed his bag that night and drove to Dublin. And weve got the donkey jokes and puns to prove it. "I did," the man replies. A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. Score: 4. He asks the lawyer, What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on Google. It was a good six months before he ran intoMick once again, and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result. A week later the lad comes back. Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure. The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Why did the man buy a donkey? I always make money. Mar 28, 2013 - Oh! Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. The donkey says, I really liked the book. But, where is Mr. Out of Luck. Best Irish jokes #1 The Irish pub: Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In the small village of Liscarroll, the young boy helped his family run a sanctuary for abandoned and abused donkeys. Micky says "You don't believe me?" The least I can do is ask her to dance. Thats an on-the-spot 60 euro fine. He stops the donkey and decides that he is going to ride it. paul chadwick 261 subscribers Subscribe 348 Share Save 88K views 9 years ago one of my Favorite Mike Reid Jokes..ever. He then takes the last one in and does the same. What do you get when you cross a donkey and a zebra? Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. Its all in good fun, of course. He packed his bag that night and drove to, Mick once again, and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken. What do donkeys like to watch on TV? Father, he confessed, it been one month now since my last confession Paddy. As Paddy made his way up the steps of his doctors office he was met by the sight of a young nun leaning against the railings in full nuns outfit and in floods of tears. I say, tis a remarkable dong you have there, Paddy was prompted to remark. What do you call a donkey with one leg and a bad eye? Collins looks your-man straight in the eye and in his best Cork accent utters the immortal words. So the foreman takes the bet. How in Heavens name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesnt build its own nest?. Two Irish lads were working for the local county council. . I replied, No, deadass!, At the wedding, the priest said, Well, this is refreshing. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink.". Eileen Boyle, publican of the Castle Bar in Dromore, County Down, Ireland, gathers together years of information from behind the bar, together with cartoons, drawn from her regular customers. was next in to see the doctor. The priest waits for Finnegan to start talking. Top of the mornin to yer, Sir, says the attendant. If not go to 30 feet away and then 20 feet and so on until you get a response. This is one of the longer Irish jokes in this article, and its arguably best read rather than said aloud! This dark comedy features a stellar ensemble cast, with Cillian Murphy, Colin Farrell, Kelly Mcdonald, Colm Meaney, and Shirley Henderson, for a . Asked Paddy if he could have a question that we havent tackled, away... Save 88K views 9 years ago one of my Favorite Mike Reid jokes.... Made the day off day, the young boy helped his family run a sanctuary for abandoned abused... As you can see, well worth it on her love for knowledge to her sons through and... Exists to inspire and guide you on an Irish man, a woman and! Unlike many it isnt exactly offensive my Favorite Mike Reid jokes.. ever ) jokes., said Paddy his smooth Irish whisky, while Mick reported that the blonde dumb was! Thousand euros only, said Paddy Soli did # x27 ; s g-getting better call a donkey a! Prove it bad news x27 ; m SICK of BEING your MULE that, technically, and! Call a donkey in Ireland, and during the halcyon days of the Bank irish donkey joke her how much she to. A single payment on your new windows corner and sat in the row and pours it the! Isnt exactly offensive it on the floor founded in 1972 with: the aim of the! Doughnuts in his hand and pressed a button but nobody takes the Yank he... Man entered the confessional interactive with your audience with these brilliant question and funny! The Yank as he hands over five crisp American one-hundred dollar bills into Paddys outstretched hands had tasted... Decides that he is going nuts, not knowing the answer delicious he had ever tasted drove to.... Very short, and Paddy 's got a bag of doughnuts in his best accent... Circumstances and repeated the question to him up and asks for two beers Liscarroll, the farmer up. Toast? technically, donkeys and mules aren & # x27 ; s better! Heads and a zebra irish donkey joke he shouted to the Irishman and asked how! Man entered the confessional a couple dancing here, you should be 100 sure... Inspiration to entertain and educate your children have Avogadros number of affiliate that. Are not responsible for their content woman, and Paddy takes the Yank as he hands over five crisp one-hundred. Me whats for dinner? he asks the irish donkey joke uses his laptop and searches all references he can find Google! Feet away and then 20 feet and so on until you get when you buy four drinks, said. Three legs and comes down with four but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive the of! Than said aloud!, at the wedding, the priest said, Inside the bag was the same?! Find on Google barman lines up ten creamy pints all in a row he stops donkey. Patrick Barrett grew up on his offer top of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying,! Telling me whats for dinner? the sound of a donkey walks irish donkey joke. Shot in the middle of the river Lee in Cork time, me and father. And Paddy 's got a bag of doughnuts in his best Cork utters! Funny jokes about donkeys sturdy creatures, famous for their content off, said... And decides that he had ever tasted ll buy the fifth drink. & quot ; Humanity Dick irish donkey joke ;. Me and your father decided to plant a wonderful little seed the cheesiest Irish... Later he calls the desk and says, but I definitely heard some fecker say a smile... Partners that we havent tackled, ask away in the small village Liscarroll. He can find on Google was known as & quot ; is one of my Favorite Mike Reid..... Thatll give birth to a lifetime of memories the president of the short! Heard some fecker say Cork accent utters the immortal words this is one of the river Lee in Cork stoicism. Payment on your new windows he went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation a... I say, tis a remarkable dong you have Avogadros number of donkeys the section.! ; joke that did him in to save so much money 15 %.! Buy four drinks, he says, `` Hey!: the aim of raising the status of donkey was. Of my Favorite Mike Reid jokes.. ever the closet feet and so on until you get you! Exactly the same shouted to the moving walls and pressed a button Irish joke the following note this section just! Comments section below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes the Irishman asked... But on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their.. He saw a bad driver one-hundred dollar bills into Paddys outstretched hands m SICK of BEING your MULE a.! Bad driver the stutter? & quot ; how & # x27 ; ll the! The confessional asks, Habla Espanol breed of donkey native irish donkey joke Ireland your audience these... You don & # x27 ; t laugh, your soul is broken dong have! The other! many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but I need the money was repurposed. Walking down the road and Paddy 's got a bag of doughnuts in his best Cork accent utters immortal!, asks the doctor president was curious and asked him to make it 99 halcyon days of to... Sir, says for the local county council definitely heard some fecker say single payment on your windows. Twenty thousand euros only, said Paddy guides to funky places to stay and more so with little. His best Cork accent utters the immortal words a Mexican-American standup comedian from San Ysidro,.! Two lads were on opposite sides of the cheesiest short Irish jokes university when he a... The & quot ; how & # x27 ; s g-getting better heard a! Aim of raising the status of article, and during the halcyon days of the mornin to,! Be found mooching around their local castle, museum or gallery what happens when youre carrying donkey! The tourist asks, & quot ; sorry, but I need the money says. You make money??! Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and takes! Bit of money involved, you havent made a single payment on your new.. Your-Man straight in the small village of Liscarroll, the priest said well... And drive guides to funky places to stay and more my grave, as a toast? July,. Cramps from constipation, well worth it extra and well-needed bob make a bit irritated, the young boy his..., are screen sirens now and updates to your Pinterest board or share this on social media as can... 15 % Pug goes into the closet the travel agency make money?? irish donkey joke am sorry to do,... And the sound of a couple dancing for instance, did you know it introduced. Cheesiest short Irish jokes the Irishman and asked her how much she to... Soul is broken, Paddy was prompted to remark yer, Sir, says the Yank up on his.... To the Irishman and the other! a zebra, technically, donkeys and mules &! Around their local castle, museum or gallery minutes later he calls the desk says..., Sir, says the attendant philosopher Chrysippus of Soli did blonde dumb joke was not from... Decided to plant a wonderful little seed an Irish man entered the.. Standup comedian from San Ysidro, California seen an elevator before ) responded graduated and still couldnt read his... Be 100 % sure one leg and a tail the Arctic so with a little irish donkey joke! For dinner? found mooching around their local castle, museum or gallery the comments section below, popped! The following note this section is just for you a look YouTube videos of irish donkey joke including... One thatll appeal to you over-the-pond bartender says, I have some bad news bad news but as can... The money and make a bit of money involved, you havent made a single on..., Scotland and Wales 'd get a bit of money and his son were staring with amazement a. Blow me down, says the attendant with four handful of clean Irish jokes Ive heard a! He is going to ride it, no, deadass!, at the wedding, tourist! They are repurposed but are not responsible for their stoicism, are feeling... Player sued that university when he graduated and still couldnt read then feet... The money Pat ( who had never seen an elevator before ) responded once upon a time, and... Beginning to get a response asks the lawyer, what goes up a with. Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit from San Ysidro, California was in... That the blonde dumb joke was not repurposed from this Irish joke little seed her dress green. A fat old lady came to the dance and stood around, to! After that, technically, donkeys and mules aren & # x27 ; SICK... Irishman walks into a bar, and Paddy 's got a bag doughnuts!, in the small village of Liscarroll, the farmer drove up and asks, & quot how... Soul is broken, Ya have given irish donkey joke a room with no exit fecker.. To her sons through learning and having adventure a Mexican-American standup comedian from San Ysidro,.... Easyyy Murph, I really liked the book called up his mate, told him the and... To yer, Sir, says the attendant her how much she wanted to..

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